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I have been friends for over two decades, who has faced and conquered many hardships, which I admire. Yet, she's repeatedly caught off guard by people. Her partner walked away, which came as a massive blow. Many of her social circle vanished during that time, because they seemed focused solely on the spouse. It shocked her. She put in greater energy toward our bond, and must have realised better the essence of true friendship.

Ongoing Issues of Disappearance

Throughout this period, many of her friends vanished leaving her sure why. The company she worked for suddenly changed toward her, although she had been very skilled at her work, her exit happened without knowing what had changed.

How Things Stand Now

Lately, both of us left the workforce so we're spending frequent meetups, however, I feel my role in the relationship is as the audience. I open subjects and she changes them to her own topics. Regarding political views, she has firm beliefs. I attempt to propose verifying facts and different perspectives.

She's been arranging a trip to a nation I have traveled to repeatedly and lived in previously. My intention was to share advice, but this was not welcomed. She really solely sought my agreement with her plans. I recently come back from four weeks in that place and she wants to meet, however, I hesitate.

Evaluating the Situation

I am unwilling to act as a friend who abandons suddenly without explanation, but I don't think she will ever grasp the consequences of how she acts on how I feel about myself. Right now, I am in distancing myself. What should I do?

Potential Solutions

One option is to cut and run, but it is not often the easy answer that we desire. Yet having a direct talk aiming for working things out takes courage and willingness from both people.

Experts suggest trying a effective method for resolving disputes:

"The first step involves describing the usual pattern during your discussions. Aim for this to be based on facts and essentially exactly what occurs. Next is to tell her how it makes you feel. There should be no dispute about this. Your feelings are valid, of course. Step three involves requesting how you are both will alter the interaction in your relationship."

Keep in mind she too holds perspectives, meaning you must to remain ready to listen to her. A helpful technique involves stating her:

"It's your turn to speak and I'm going to remain silent for half an hour."

This can be effective to encourage mutual respect.

Final Thoughts

This person might reject your concerns, since certain individuals cling to a “survival narrative”: they maintain a narrative about themselves they won't release since their identity depends upon it being the only thing familiar to them. This is difficult when there seems no clear path with these people, just dead ends. Yet she could start out this way before reflecting on your words. And should a resolution isn't found a resolution, you'll have peace from having been open and direct.